Crazy Dreams And Waking Up Screaming

Can we talk about crazy dreams for a second?

Because I have had some really weird ones lately. 

I don't usually remember my dreams, don't usually write them down, and almost never analyze them.

Most of my dreams just have to do with regular life, are not imaginative at all, so that makes these all the more interesting!

Saturday, after we went to the beach and had a nice, long walk on the boardwalk, and we stopped on the way home and got Chipotle, then I fell asleep on the couch.

I dreamed Michael and I were driving down the road in the van. Chopper 10 pulled up beside us. Not kidding. There were 4 people from work looking at me and pointing at their phones. I realized they were trying to call me. I called them, then they told me they wanted me to take a picture of them in the chopper and upload it to Facebook, so I did.

Then I realized that there were 4 people on the chopper. I was like, “What is Anita doing on there? You guys can't have four people on the chopper at one time!” And someone explained to me, “oh, sometimes she just likes to ride along.”

And I had to go all manager-style and put the kabosh on that for safety reasons.

Michael and I got back on our way.... and suddenly, we were on a boat.

Then, my phone rang again. There was some sort of breaking news, and I needed to hurry back to the station.

So, we got off the boat, and then we had to stop at a gas station. We were in a big hurry. Michael somehow knocked about 100 candy bars off of a shelf in the convenience store onto the floor. He was insisting he pick them up himself, one by one, with his quad paws. I was begging him to just let me pick them up, because we were in a hurry, but he was getting mad. In picking them up himself, he was rolling over other candy bars, and there was chocolate squirting everywhere.

I woke up, screaming at him.

-----

Sunday afternoon, we went to sleep much later than we were supposed to. I got a lot done though. Such is the trade-off of life, right? If you get ahead in one thing, you end up behind in another thing.

Anyway.

I didn't have much time to sleep.

But, I still managed to have a crazy dream!

In this dream, I was sleeping by myself, on a top bunk bed. And when I was going to bed, I had to sneak in, real quiet, for some reason.

Then, I woke up, and I needed to sneak out, which was going to be a challenge, sneaking down the bunk bed, but I had a plan. Then, I smelled something awful.

Like, really awful.

So, I turned on the light.

And I saw a disguisting sight! There were bed bags and leg bags hanging all over my bed! With really gross urine in them! Urine with sediment, and stones, and blood, and the bags were dripping and one was pouring out like a hose! And there were some that were over full like bubbles or balloons, and when I slid down off the top bunk, they burst and the disguisting urine got all over me.

And, I woke up screaming.

Again.

Need. More. Coffee.

The Power of Simple Words

Recently we saw a conversation among several friends in our Facebook group about how under appreciated many of the wives feel as caregivers. At the bottom of it is that most of the women feel overwhelmed. Here's what they shared and things husbands should keep in mind.

Several of the wives juggle the demands of parenting, homemaking, and a job. On top of that they all--to some extent--take care of their spouse's disability-related needs. Typical tasks include dressing, exercise, bathroom care, feeding or preparing meals, medicine, doctor and therapy appointments, cleaning up accidents or wheelchair tracks, and a dozen or more others. By the time they get to bed they're exhausted. However, if their husband needs anything during the night they're still on call. It is never-ending.

Many of them understand that their husbands generally do what they can to help. These guys range in physical ability and time after injury. But many of them aren't necessarily angry with their husband.

This reminds me of a point Dana and I have made time and time again: the disability and all of the stuff that goes with it is a third person in our marriage. It helps us focus our frustration away from each other.

That said, beyond what husbands can do for our wives is what we say to our wives. Overwhelmingly, the wives said it means so much when husbands say "I love you" and "Thank you." Such a simple, but thoughtful step lightens their burden. I find Dana really appreciates when I ask her--not order her--to do something. Finally, the wives mentioned how important compliments and gratitude for the non-caregiver things are; that they like to be reminded she is your wife first.

It's so good to know this isn't rocket science. While compliments and affectionate words won't always trump the overwhelming waves of caregiving, they help fill the sails that keep our wives going.

On Going Back to *THE* Church

Well.
Look at that.
It's Saturday, again.

These weeks are just flying by!
Working 10 hour days doesn't leave much time for blogging, and I really miss it.

But, I'm here now.

Last Sunday, we went to church.
It was great, being back in church again.

This wasn't just any church. It was the church where I was first born as a little bitty, baby Christian.
I was 16, and I wore nothing but Old Navy, and I drove a 1982 Red Pontiac Firebird.

Jesus changed my life, and fueled everything in between then and now.
Now.
Now I'm back.
Not as a 16 year old blonde in a hot car.
But as a 33 year old married blonde (minus my current root situation) in a minivan.
Oy.

It's a strange feeling - going back to a place that was so monumental in making you who you are today, but being older, wiser (?), and married and mid-career.

I felt old.
But, I'm glad I'm back.

Even with my forehead wrinkles.
And my minivan.
Especially with my husband.

There's no place like home.

Survival Mode And Finding Rhythm

Well, hello there, friends.

It's 2:40am on Saturday, and here I am.

Fuzzy socks on, by the fire, with a warm cup of freshly ground, freshly brewed this making it's way into my hungry, confused tummy.

I've missed you.

I've missed this.

Writing, and commenting, and posting pictures and sharing life with all of you.

But, "real life" has completely taken over.

It's good, though.

It's really, really good.

I love my new job. I am working with a fabulous team. Michael and I are adjusting to being on an overnight schedule. (Yes, I said overnight schedule. You wonder how that TV news is on your screen every morning? It's because of TV news elves like me, who work through the night)

This past week was my fourth week on this schedule. In this new life in a new (old) town, getting to know new people, and a whole new routine.

It's starting to feel good.

I'm starting to feel that rhythm.

The first couple of weeks here were easy. I wasn't working, and all I did was decorate.

That was fun.

And easy.

Oh, I was taking care of all of Michael's personal care on my own, too. It wasn't bad.

We lost Princess. That was heartbreaking.

Then, I started the new job.

Flexing professional and mental muscles I haven't used in years.

Enter the Little Debbie cakes.

And pizza and Chinese food.

And little fights here and there between us because everything is new and stressful.

Then, I started working the new schedule (11pm to 8am).

Then, We released the eBook.

Enter the sleeping/not sleeping weird hours, and still never cooking, and exhaustion and guilt trips and wondering if we'd made a huge mistake leaving our comfortable life in DC.

Then, we found Belinda.

So, I no longer have to handle all of Michael's personal care.

I took a breath.

Blogged twice. Haha.

Still not spending the quiet time in the Word that I know I need.

But I did finally start grocery shopping, and cooking again.

I cleaned this entire house top to bottom, and got a greater appreciation for how much bigger it is than our apartment was. Phew!

And this week, I joined a gym. I haven't actually worked out yet.

But - maybe tomorrow. A.k.a. today. Who knows what day it is, like ever.

That's beside the point.

What I'm trying to say here is that we have been in survival mode.

I've tried a couple of times to kick things up a notch, but I've ended up right back in survival mode.

But, slowly - the rhythm is coming. I can feel it.

I'm adding things back into my life - one by one.

Friends, family, cooking, cleaning, working out, taking care of errands, hanging out with Brokaw.

This weekend, we're going to go to church!

I really do have so much to share with you.

I really do miss you.

This blog.

This community.

This part of my life.

I have more cool eBook giveaways to share with y'all. And lots of pictures of our new place, and just so much more. Thanks for waiting for me.

Review: 5 Days to a Clutter-Free House

I don't know about all of you, but I would venture to say that most people like to live in a clean, clutter-free space. Am I right? Or am I right?

We just recently moved.
And moving will force you to de-clutter, and I will say that I am so glad!

Our place is more organized than ever. Most of that has to do with the fact that I had two weeks off after we moved, before I started my new job, so I actually had the TIME to put some good storage and organization systems in place. Also, it helps that we moved from an apartment to a house with a two car garage, so we increased our space, without really increasing the amount of stuff that we have, so that's a win-win.

I love organizing.
So, I jumped at the chance to review this book.

At first, I was intrigued. A clutter-free house in 5 days? Sounds pretty good. Then, when I started reading, I realized that the level of clutter-busting this book is talking about is a different level than I generally need.

I am like an anti-hoarder.
And I stay pretty organized.

The 5 day strategy is really for anyone who has a LOT of stuff, and doesn't have a place for everything. I don't mean to make myself sound super clean and organized, I'm certainly not perfect, and I still like to have some notice when guests are coming over, but we generally don't have non-clear surfaces.

BUT, if you do have a mess and too much stuff on your hands, this book will definitely help you get a grip, and bust through that clutter. The basic ideas are to get a team together, get some boxes, and go through your home level-by-level, and pack the clutter up. Then, box-by-box, unpack the items and make sure they go to their own place.

Remember, I said there's nothing like moving to force you to organize? This strategy is kind of like moving, but not moving.

I did learn some great tips and tricks for staying on top of things, though.
I love the ideas of timing yourself to see how much you can get done, like the idea of the "ten minute tidy."

I would definitely recommend this book if you are in over your head in clutter. If your house already looks like a copy of Real Simple Magazine, or you generally have good systems in place, you can still learn from the tips and tricks to keep your house that way.

The other cool thing about this book even for those of us who are pretty organized already, is it can help us understand how to tackle a MAJOR de-cluttering job. This is great, because I'd love to help friends who want to do some organizing, and it's good to read about a strategy for tackling a big project, that works.

You can check out 5 Days to a Clutter-Free House for more information.

Full disclosure: I was given a copy of this book in order to review it.

GIVEAWAY: She Knew That She Was Blessed and Highly Favored

I'm so excited to announce this next GIVEAWAY, in celebration of the eBook, "We Are: A Caregiving Manifesto."

This is a little sign that will bring a smile to your face, and hopefully some encouragement to your heart.

I got this little 5x5 sign in my gift bag at the Allume Social Conference last October. I immediately fell in love with it! I don't know about you, but I constantly need to be reminded that I am blessed and highly favored, and that the God of all is on MY side and loves me!

The sign, produced by Red Letter Words (click on the link for complete details) inspired me to do a cubicle makeover at my old job before I left DC:

And then, after we moved, it was the inspiration piece for my little home office!

I know you will love it.


Here's how you can enter the giveaway: Purchase the eBook! You can go to the website Michael built for the book, and if you have a Kindle or a smartphone or a tablet with a Kindle app, you can buy it through the Amazon link. If you don't, and you'd like to read it on your computer, or print it out, you can buy it as a PDF.

Once you do that, just forward me your receipt to: danabrownritter@gmail.com.
Put the title of the giveaway in the subject line of the e-mail.
If you've already bought the book, and want to enter the giveaway, that's totally cool!

I will use random.org to choose a winner, and I will announce the winner on Sunday, February 24th! (in the evening) You have until 8:00am Sunday to enter.
Let me know if you have any questions. I'd really appreciate it if you spread the love on this giveaway, and help us get the word out about the eBook!

Danger of "Innovative" SCI Treatments

Recently I saw a post on a Facebook group for a high schooler recently paralyzed in a gymnastics stunt. She was discharged from the hospital around Christmas and recently was released from her neck collar. With so many similarities I was eager to follow her progress. The recent post stated she and her parents went to Mexico for exciting treatments "not approved by the FDA." It went on to say she was being injected through her belly button with stem cells.

Red flags flew up for several reasons. First, I don't like the idea of going abroad for treatments medical professionals in the States won't perform. Second, I don't like the idea of some doctor abroad injecting biological material in somebody. Third, from what I understand there's no way for stem cells injected in the belly button to migrate to the spinal cord.

I expressed my concerns to the Miami Project. Their response:

Thank you for contacting us and for your concern about the stem cells.  There are no proven treatments utilizing any kind of stem cell so far and as you know there are several experimental “treatments” being introduced for purchase without a valid clinical trial program being completed, leaving their safety and efficacy untested.  This is a great concern to researchers, clinicians, and most importantly people with paralysis.  It is unethical to charge people money for unproven medical treatments.  It is important to remind your friend that any cells that are put into your her can never be removed and it will exclude her from participating in valid clinical trials.

Another important point from her response:

There are three main reasons why a person might feel better that are unrelated to the actual stem cell treatment: the “placebo effect”, accompanying treatments, and natural fluctuations of the disease or condition. The intense desire or belief that a treatment will work can cause a person to feel like it has and to even experience positive physical changes, such as improved movement or less pain. This phenomenon is called the placebo effect. Even having a positive conversation with a doctor can cause a person to feel improvement. Likewise, other techniques offered along with stem cell treatment—such as changes to diet, relaxation, physical therapy, medication, etc.—may make a person feel better in a way that is unrelated to the stem cells. Also, the severity of symptoms of many conditions can change over time, resulting in either temporary improvement or decline, which can complicate the interpretation of the effectiveness of treatments. These factors are so widespread that without testing in a controlled clinical study, where a group that receives a treatment is carefully compared against a group that does not receive this treatment, it is very difficult to determine the real effect of any therapy. Be wary of clinics that measure or advertise their results primarily through patient testimonials.

These are extremely important points we need to understand and educate our peers on.

We who live with spinal cord injury and other neuromuscular conditions understand the peculiar nature of the central nervous system: no two injuries result in the same exact symptoms. As the body heals over days, weeks, or years improvements come and go. In the first year particularly the body recovers significantly.

If you really want to walk again, the best route is to join a trial going on at research organizations like the Miami Project. Active participation in physical treatment goes a long way toward rehabilitation, maximizing the body's potential. These efforts benefit individuals and future recipients of treatment.

GIVEAWAY: Let it Be Wooden Sign

Okay you guys, I'm ready to host my first giveaway in celebration of my first eBook, "We Are: A Caregiving Manifesto."

It's been so fun to pull these items together, my friends have been so supportive of me and this project, and I'm so grateful to them!

The first item is this super-cool sign from The Orange Leaf.

It's a wooden sign that says, "Let it Be."

I absolutely love this Etsy shop, run by one of my good friends, Becky Rogerson. Becky is a talented artist with a good eye. She makes these signs by hand! We have one in our bedroom that says, "Always Love," and it's one of my favorite details about the room!

Here's how you can enter the giveaway: Purchase the eBook! You can go to the website Michael built for the book, and if you have a Kindle or a smartphone or a tablet with a Kindle app, you can buy it through the Amazon link. If you don't, and you'd like to read it on your computer, or print it out, you can buy it as a PDF.

Once you do that, just forward me your receipt to: danabrownritter@gmail.com.
Put the title of the giveaway in the subject line of the e-mail.
If you've already bought the book, and want to enter the giveaway, that's totally cool!

I will use random.org to choose a winner, and I will announce the winner on Thursday, February 21st! (in the evening) You have until 8:00am Thursday to enter.
Let me know if you have any questions. I'd really appreciate it if you spread the love on this giveaway, and help us get the word out about the eBook!

On Having Another Woman In My House and Being Happy About It

A quick little update on us.

This past week just did not go as planned as far as the blog and the eBook giveaways, etc. go. My heart and thoughts were here in this space.

But, nothing happened. If it makes you feel any better, I also did not clean my house or pay any bills or get the van inspected.

Prepare for some raw openness here, folks.
We are were completely overwhelmed.

Remember a few years ago, when I married Michael, moved, and started a new job? How all of that sent me into this situational depression/anxiety nightmare tailspin, and I said I'd NEVER do that again?

Remember a few years ago, when I left a great job with great people, only because I said I'd NEVER work the overnight shift again - not even for the freaking Today Show?

Well. They say "never say never," and my friends, "they" are right.

Okay, so I didn't just get married again - but I did move, start a new job, and I re-assumed 100% of Michael's personal care on my own (not my choice - I'm still working out some bitterness issues with that - in the spirit of full disclosure). I am now working overnights.

And you know what?
It's been too much.

We haven't been sleeping enough, our bodies are still adjusting to the schedule, my brain is still adjusting to being back into local news and to being in management and to working 10 hour days. I haven't been cooking, so I've been eating junk food and that means less energy. And the only waking hours Michael and I were spending together were when I was either getting him up and ready for the day (night) or getting him in bed at night (in the morning).

I felt like some sort of Cinderella in a mental fog, with constant back pain.
And it was Valentine's Day. Or was it? I don't remember. Monday-Thursday felt like one long day.

We got through it, of course. Eating frozen meals, and snuggling each morning, and Michael held me as I cried wondering if I can do this, and he promised me it would get better. And I prayed for it to get better.

And yesterday, it did.
A wonderful young woman answered the ad Michael put on Craigslist for a personal care attendant. We're paying out of pocket for her to come three nights a week, and take care of his bathroom stuff.

She is here now.

I'm upstairs, in the guest room, "sleeping." Okay, so I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I read a few chapters in a management book, and listened to Brokaw snore, and now I'm having a cup of coffee and soon I'll be in the shower.

Then, I'll go downstairs right about the time they will be finishing up, and Belinda will be leaving. And hopefully we'll have breakfast together.

I never thought I'd be so happy to have another woman in my house!

I fought this so hard a couple of years ago. I wanted to take care of him, 100% of the time. I felt like I should, and I could. But then, I learned my lesson.

It's so nice to have this second floor where I can escape to when she is here. It's perfect. I can still be home without feeling awkward or in the way.

I'm so thankful that I don't have to do all of that, then go to work all night on no sleep. I only have to go to work all night on no sleep. :) Believe me, that's way better!

eBook Launch Day!

It is with much pride and anticipation and gratefulness that I write this post!

After months of work, my very first eBook is now for sale!

You can find all of the details here, on this snazzy website my wonderful husband made just for the book!

Also, make sure you like it on Facebook!

If you want to jump right to Amazon, here you go!

The eBook is built off of this blog post that I know resonated with so many of you. It was a reader who actually encouraged me to turn it into a book! A new friend pushed me over the edge with some encouragement and an old friend did an amazing job of editing it for me. Believe me, she had her work cut out for her!

I have been completely overwhelmed with all of the support for this project! I feel the love from all of my family and friends who are standing with me and behind me, in getting this message out to the world.

You guys, this is for you.
May you all find love like this.

To my dear husband, you are my inspiration, my technical guru, my glass-half-full, and the partner in my dreams.
I adore you. Thank you for pecking away at your computer endlessly, making this happen.

Okay - now to the fun stuff!
We're going to celebrate LAUNCH WEEK this week with some fabulous GIVEAWAYS!
Stay tuned for more!

For now, a sneak peak of some of the treasures my dear friends have agreed to share with you!

And this isn't even all...