Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Two Reasons I Love Coming Home

That is my world right there, on my street. My happy husband, and my curious 'is that you, Mommy?' puggle.

They are my home.

They love me no matter what.

And I need them both.

I need to snuggle up with them, and cry to them, and laugh with them and play with them.

Love is a gift. Unconditional love is even greater. If you've found it, snuggle up and hold on tight. This is the good stuff.

I think it's pretty universal for dogs to jump and pant and get all excited when we get home. I'm not saying my husband jumps and pants when I come home. In fact, if he panted, I would worry, and if he jumped, I would probably have a heart attack.

But he sure does love me no matter what.

No matter my bad attitude, or my unpredictable hormonal mood swings, or my sinful selfishness.

I want to snuggle him forever.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Brokaw took Pops to the Beach

This is Brokaw and Buddy, but the grand kids call him Pops. They took a little walk on the beach this morning. It's Pops' first visit to Virginia Beach. They are having fun walking, watching Netflix and sharing snacks. 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

On Birthdays, And Contentment, And Screamers

Every year on my birthday, my mom calls me at exactly 11:28 am, the moment of my birth.
I don't remember when the tradition began, but I love it.
So, I'm 34 now people. 34.

I guess it's kind of an in-between age. I don't feel bad about it. It's fine.

33 was one of the best and hardest years for me. I didn't blow any candles out on my 33rd birthday, but I did make a birthday wish, for a baby.

Yesterday, Michael and I were shopping and stopped at Starbucks for afternoon lattes and as I was finishing up my pumpkin spice, and he was sipping the last of his caramel, we heard one of those screamers.

You know the screamer kids. Their parents just desperately wanted to go to the mall - for Stride Rites, or maybe for something for themselves, but it took too long to find a parking space, or maybe they shifted their schedule to go with a friend, and so they missed nap time by 20 minutes and now their angel baby is a full-on screamer. They're horrified and getting looks of sympathy from some, and judgement from others.

I never saw the kid. I felt sympathy, but wasn't close enough to give a look.
Michael and I looked at each other, "I'm glad for where we are right now."

And then we went to Old Navy.
Just like that.

Contentment is a funny thing.
When you don't have it - it seems so far out of reach! There were months this year that I cried myself to sleep, that I had to block dear friends and their ultrasound and babies-in-pumpkin-patches pictures on Facebook, because I didn't have the one thing I wanted so badly.

I prayed and prayed, even at one point hashing it out with God - trying to give this dream up, thinking maybe that's what was holding me back from getting it.

And, little by little, when I wasn't looking - much like we age - here I am at this new place.
Where there's a screamer in the mall, and I'm perfectly happy with just a latte.

Even if my name is misspelled.

This Fall is full of exciting opportunities for us. Next weekend, I'll be at Allume (a Christian women's blogging conference in South Carolina). The weekend after that, Michael and I are so excited to host our first getaway for couples like us who also juggle a disability in their marriage. Later in November, I'm going to a caregiving conference in Philadelphia.

My 35th year is taking shape, already. And while I had put all of this pressure on myself to have a baby by age 35 (because you know, research shows if you have a kid later, it has 9 heads), I realize now that was completely not the plan, and this completely is the plan.

So, I'm content.
And it happened not when I tried so hard to be content.
But just when I put one foot in front of the other, when I woke up each night and went to work and bought groceries and got my husband dressed.
Something changed.

I'm not giving up the baby dream. I hope it does happen one day.
But I don't think it's going to be this year. I think this is going to be the year for writing and speaking and helping couples connect and find contentment of their own in this crazy life.

And I'll drink a latte to that.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Brokaw's Favorite Spot

In case you can't tell, this is our chair. I say "our" chair, but Brokaw has staked his claim. As soon as Momma leaves for work he heads up here and snuggles in. We try to keep the cushion laid down so it isn't smushed beyond recognition, but sometimes he beats us to it.

So now I'm off to beat the heck out of it and get it flat (the cushion, not the dog).

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Sunday Afternoon Meal Prep

With our crazy overnight schedule and managing around home health care and work outs there isn't much time for actually cooking healthy meals. About the only way we've been successful at eating healthy and on a budget is with planned meals. Taking an hour or two on Sundays to prepare the ingredients for this week's meals is my key to success. 

Hash tag no Five Guys this week

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I Don't Have Everything I Want, But That's Okay

Obligatory cute picture of Brokaw.

I stress myself out. If only I could get away from myself.

I am in this strange season of being overwhelmed - yet - for the first time ever - I think I'm truly learning to slow down.

To take moments here and there.

Learning from my easygoing, slow-paced, smell-the-roses husband?

Let's not panic.

What a year this has been. I thought I'd move away from the fast-paced, long commute, lots-of-travel life of living in DC and move "back home," start a family, and have a little more in the bank account.

Almost nothing is working out as I expected.

I am not used to, nor do I like it when things don't go my way.

But - I am learning, I am growing, I am thankful, and we are a tighter team than we've ever been.

So - we'll keep on keepin' on. I'll put one foot in front of the other, try to stay obedient, make good choices, and fight that never-ending fight of comparing myself and us and everything we are and have to everything else everyone else claims to be and what they have.

Life is good.

There is much to be thankful for. And new and good friends all the time.

Boy, I'm reflective tonight. I blame the pumpkin pictures on Facebook. They get me every year.