This past week just did not go as planned as far as the blog and the eBook giveaways, etc. go. My heart and thoughts were here in this space.
But, nothing happened. If it makes you feel any better, I also did not clean my house or pay any bills or get the van inspected.
Prepare for some raw openness here, folks.
Remember a few years ago, when I married Michael, moved, and started a new job? How all of that sent me into this situational depression/anxiety nightmare tailspin, and I said I'd NEVER do that again?
Remember a few years ago, when I left a great job with great people, only because I said I'd NEVER work the overnight shift again - not even for the freaking Today Show?
Well. They say "never say never," and my friends, "they" are right.
Okay, so I didn't just get married again - but I did move, start a new job, and I re-assumed 100% of Michael's personal care on my own (not my choice - I'm still working out some bitterness issues with that - in the spirit of full disclosure). I am now working overnights.
And you know what?
It's been too much.
We haven't been sleeping enough, our bodies are still adjusting to the schedule, my brain is still adjusting to being back into local news and to being in management and to working 10 hour days. I haven't been cooking, so I've been eating junk food and that means less energy. And the only waking hours Michael and I were spending together were when I was either getting him up and ready for the day (night) or getting him in bed at night (in the morning).
I felt like some sort of Cinderella in a mental fog, with constant back pain.
And it was Valentine's Day. Or was it? I don't remember. Monday-Thursday felt like one long day.
We got through it, of course. Eating frozen meals, and snuggling each morning, and Michael held me as I cried wondering if I can do this, and he promised me it would get better. And I prayed for it to get better.
And yesterday, it did.
A wonderful young woman answered the ad Michael put on Craigslist for a personal care attendant. We're paying out of pocket for her to come three nights a week, and take care of his bathroom stuff.
She is here now.
Then, I'll go downstairs right about the time they will be finishing up, and Belinda will be leaving. And hopefully we'll have breakfast together.
I never thought I'd be so happy to have another woman in my house!
I fought this so hard a couple of years ago. I wanted to take care of him, 100% of the time. I felt like I should, and I could. But then, I learned my lesson.
It's so nice to have this second floor where I can escape to when she is here. It's perfect. I can still be home without feeling awkward or in the way.
I'm so thankful that I don't have to do all of that, then go to work all night on no sleep. I only have to go to work all night on no sleep. :) Believe me, that's way better!