Breakfast for One: Coffee, toast; one piece with pumpkin butter, one with Nutella
I am rested.
This, my friends, doesn't happen all that often.
But, I am this morning, and it is wonderful.
I am alone. At home.
This too, my friends, is rare.
I had an evening home alone last night.
And this morning, I woke up an hour before my alarm so I could soak some more of this peaceful, quiet alone time today!
My Michael is at our church's Men's Retreat. It's a one night thing at like a YMCA campground somewhere in Maryland.
Aren't you proud of me for not knowing anything more than that? Aren't you proud of him for going? Because I am!
Here's the thing. I worry about him. I worried about him possibly going. I wanted him to go, but didn't want to push him. Michael needs help from someone else to go to bed, get undressed and dressed, and with some personal care. Not everyone is up for this kind of "bonding." And that's okay. I worried about who would take care of him. Silly, right? Because if there were a few steps into the dorms or buildings, like a bunch of MEN wouldn't be able to handle it, right? Before we got married, Michael had help from his friends with EVERYTHING. He even assigned them "levels" of helping, depending on how "personal" the help was. Since I have been the one helping him since we got married, it's like I don't want anyone else helping him because I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy! Fortunately, I was able to think about that and realize how ridiculous it was! I even worried about him getting a ride to the retreat, and I offered to pick him up late tonight if he didn't want to spend the night.
But he's there. He spent the night. We didn't even talk last night. Nothing went wrong! Phew! I didn't even pack his bag, his home health aide helped him with that yesterday before one of his friends arrived to pick him up. And I didn't even notice anything he forgot. AND, before he left, he mopped the house for me!
Do you realize what is happening here? This is BIG. I have absolutely NO CONTROL over this situation, and I haven't had any since the packing stage, even. I did make sure he had cash for the trip to help pay for gas and get fast food :) But, really, this is very BIG!
I unnecessarily stress myself out worrying about him, worrying about taking care of every little detail for him. He doesn't need that! It's suffocating!
I made a conscious effort to worry a little less with this retreat, and give him the space to step it up worrying about himself, and it WORKED. Nothing has gone wrong, unless there's something he didn't tell me! :) So, hopefully there won't be any bodily mishaps, no one will drop him, and he won't leave anything behind! Oops, I guess I technically just worried. Okay, I'll stop now!
I missed a text from M last night at about 10:40 "Had a min alone. Loving it so much. Guys are helping me out. No worries. Love you so much. Sweet dreams." I was asleep when he sent it, and we hadn't even talked before that. Can't you tell how much he knows me by these words?
I'm so incredibly proud of him that he's there. He needs this, and it's so awesome that he's not missing out.
It is hard not to worry. But, man has it been nice to be free from it. I was able to focus more on being happy and proud of him for getting this experience than I was worried about all of the details and logsistics. At home, I actually relaxed. Man, I feel great, like my old self! Aaaahhhh.
This morning, I'm indulging in making my Christmas baking list. I want to make lots of stuff to give to/send to friends and family, and also make some dry mixes in jars as gifts! Gotta work on my shopping supply list!
And, apparently I also have some bananas to mash up and freeze!