I am not working today.
It's not necessarily a "vacation" day, it is a full-on mental health day.
You see, I knew I would be a mess today.
Because I know myself.
And I know that when I'm coming up on a big, uncertain situation, that my anxiety level shoots through the roof.
And it has.
My hands are all a mess again.
I have those sores on the sides of my tongue.
And my stomach is upset.
And, Friday morning and Sunday morning, I had total crying fits.
Tomorrow, Michael and I will drive down to UVA for a very important doctor's appointment. M is seeing a specialist about constant issues he's been having with his bladder.
This is a good thing!
We have been waiting for this appointment for months! We are blessed to have a chance to see this doctor, who is a super-expert in this field.
Nothing bad is going to happen.
We are going to get some answers.
My dear husband, who has pushed through so much pain and irritation, will hopefully have some relief very soon.
But how that relief will come is uncertain.
There are options.
Some seem more stellar than others.
And I have to remember that just because I've talked to people in a similar situation, and although I'm a master Googler, I am not an expert in this field. And there are probably options out there that I don't know about.
This is not life-threatening.
But, it will likely be life-altering.
And I'm afraid of changes like that.
Even though I am kind of Superwoman.
The most important thing is that my husband is healthy.
No matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient that is for me.
No matter how unfair it is either.
Sometimes that reality really sucks.
But, it will be okay.
We will adjust.
We always do.
We can do anything, through Christ, and together.
Recently, I've really been enjoying the daily devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries.
The other day, I read this:
"God designed us to continually need Him. We gather peace throughout the day. We can ask for His peace to show us which way to turn when our instinct is to go down a dark road of sadness. We can seek His peace to cover our thought life when we want to get even or when unhealthy emotions try to take root."
Philippians 4:7 says this:
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
But, I'm learning that we have a responsibility, there. We have to seek that peace. And we have to accept it. I think I've just been expecting the Peace of Jesus to just fall down from the sky and land on top of me while I'm in the middle of trying to control everything myself, and make everything better. I think I've got a choice to make here. And I've got to stick with it.
Please pray for us tomorrow. For the appointment. And for peace. Thank you, dear friends.