Sunday, November 25, 2012

On Being Happy and Sad at the Same Time

There is something on my heart for you this morning.

Something I think a lot of you need to hear.
Something I am also reminding myself of, because Lord knows I do not know it all, I do not have everything in it's perfect place, I still struggle, I am human, and I live in the tension.

You can be happy and sad at the same time.

You can love your husband and secretly hate his disability at the same time.

And this is okay.

It's tricky, because the sad emotions you have will make you doubt yourself.
You think, if I sigh in annoyance at having to push him up this hill, or if I look at that couple walking down the street hand in hand and I'm so jealous I could cry, that that means you are not happy in your relationship, you're not strong enough, you can't do this, and you've made a mistake.

I know.
I have done (and still do sometimes) the same thing.
But a very wise woman gave me permission to be happy and sad at the same time.
So, I'm passing that along to you.

Think about it today, when your man gives you that sweet look that only he can give you.
But then when there is something else you need, or you wish you have, and he just can't physically give that to you.

It's sad.
But it doesn't change how much he loves you, how much he is dedicated to you, and how much he wants those same things - even if he doesn't talk about it all the time. He is still a dude, you know.

It's okay to let that tear fall.
It's okay to let him in on the fact that you felt some sadness. If it was a twinge of sadness, or if it's one of those days that the weight of all of this is just too much, and every hour brings something else that you have to do that you don't want to, or he spills something, or drops something, or his body does something inconvenient. Go ahead and ugly cry, girl.

And tell him.
Because really, no one gets the grief and disappointment that this life brings more than he does.

Don't let insecurity and fear keep you from sharing your feelings with your guy.
Because it's in those real, vulnerable, honest moments that your love does the growing that it has to do to do this.

And it's that love that is the glue that will stick you guys together, and make you so strong that you CAN do this.

Trust me.
I cried on Michael's chest last night.


bettyC said...

Great post. THANKS !! Good advice that I need to remember

Cheri said...

Nice post Dana, I think with me I cry because I miss what Dennis and I had for 26 years and it is a little bit of a greiving process. It's Ok to grieve for awhile but the the bible tells us Jesus carried our sorrows so we have to let them go. It's still a little hard when I go to Lowe's and see the little older couples holding hands walking through the aisles, it gives my heart a squeeze but then God reminds me that Dennis is still here. Much love, Cheri

Kristen Maddux said...

That's a great way to put it. Even when we can't deny that God is moving strongly in our lives, blessing us abundantly...there is still much, much sadness sometimes.
But you're right, it's nothing to feel guilty over. One can feel very sad--heartbroken even--(that there is sin and brokeness and disability infused in every blessing) but also very happy (that in spite of the imperfection we have still been given SO MUCH) at the exact same time. God gets that struggle. I'm sure He does. But, I'm glad you put it into words. It's an encourgement to me and many other readers, I'm sure.

Janice said...

XOXOXO Very well said Dana!!

Trina said...

Love. This. Post. Great thoughts for's ok to be happy, its ok to ugly cry...and yes, please, lets be honest.

Monica said...

Even after 13 years of caregiving I still struggle with this. I don't want to put extra hurt on his heart. I waver with when to share my struggles and when to try and let it out some other way.