Friday, September 30, 2016

Overthinking friendship mid-30s

Thank you, people who read the words I put on the internet. It means something. Please know that. I know we are all bombarded, constantly, with so many messages. And you choose to click over here and spend some of your time with me.

I appreciate that.
It's nice having you.

We all want to be seen. And known.
Except for when we don't.

I hide when I don't want to be seen. I don't know about you. One time I saw a meme or like one of those fake internet T-shirts that said "I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't want to come."

That's been me. For the past, I don't know, three years or so.

I know it's not just me. What is it about the mid-thirties that makes us not want to get to know new people? I've been in this phase where I don't really want anything new at all.

I shop at the same stores all the time: Banana Republic, J. Crew, and The Limited.
I don't mind eating the same thing every day for breakfast: a smoothie and bacon.
I don't even like to watch new TV shows. I'm perfectly content re-watching the same series on Netflix (or Hulu or whatever they're on, Michael pulls them up for me. I make TV for a living but don't ask me to work one at home, or an iPad): Homeland, Parenthood, Gilmore Girls, I wouldn't mind watching all of 24 again.
I could be perfectly happy re-organizing my house every weekend and never talking to anyone.

I like my routines.
I like it when my old friends from other places come here to visit. I will stop what I am doing to meet them for coffee or dinner so we can laugh at things we already know are funny and skip the small talk that's necessary to get to know someone.

Making new friends takes effort. And I don't know about you, but I am tired.

When I took the job I have now, I underestimated how lonely it would be. There is a weird distance when you're the boss. And I get it. It should be there. The distance has a purpose.

Is it the internet's fault? It sure is easier to chat behind a screen than it is to make time to do it in person.

I want to be comfortable more than I want to be known. Because new friends are like work. I have made a couple of new friends here, though. And I am so thankful for them. That they kept asking me to do something, even if I said no 14 times. I have better friends than the friend I am, for sure.

When we get to the mid-thirties, we are all in these different places. Married or not, kids or not, multiple kids or an only child, career-focused or not, Pinterest-perfect or not, go to this or that church or not, have this political party affiliation or not, homeowner or not, etc. Hobbies and jobs are all over the place.

Growing up, we have more in common. Same for college. Even the twenties. But people in their thirties are all over the place. And we feel like we don't fit in with the people who are in their twenties or the people who are in their forties. Or, maybe we do.

It's a weird place to be. Maybe I'm overthinking it. And I have moved a lot over the years, so maybe I shouldn't blame my friend issues on my decade. Maybe I'm just tired from working every couple of years to make new friends.

Anyway. Just thinking about the random collection of friends who read this blog, and wanting you to know I'm so thankful for each of you, that our paths crossed at some point along the way and we weren't too tired or self-focused to miss out on the opportunity to get to know each other.


Unknown said...

You hit the nail on the head. This is also me exactly.

Kristen Maddux said...

Girl, I'm so glad to read your writing again! And as per usual, I could have written some of this myself. I'm fact, I literally over-thought this exact issue most of the day yesterday!
And it's not just people who have had to move around like you have. I could count on two hands the number of fulfilling friendships I've put lots of effort and time into the last ten years, who then moved away from me, haha! It's a little unbelievable actually. And now? I am TIRED. The last of my close friends here just informed me she too will be moving in December and I couldn't help but think, FIGURES! I asked the Lord to keep giving me strength to reach out, keep from getting cynical about it, have the stamina to just...keep reaching out. But I'm big time out of my comfort zone with it at this point. It helps me rely on God, but boy is it exhausting! I'm sure being a leader makes it extra hard -- if you lean too far the other way, you become Michael Scott 😱! Thanks again for writing, it's nice to know I'm not alone!

Kristen Maddux said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I think everyone goes through a version of this... that t-shirt totally belongs to me, lol, but I'm always glad that I forced myself to go somewhere after it's over. I think your social life takes work like everything else, and though we don't want the extra work, it's good for the soul. You need it... need the balance.

"There is a weird distance when you're the boss. And I get it. It should be there. The distance has a purpose." - There doesn't have to be... sure, there has to be a line for when you're serious and need to be respected, but I've seen many leaders find the balance and create great work friendships... it makes life/work so much better :)

Nicole Pritchard said...

I LOVE this, Dana! Thanks for writing it. For me, I wonder how much of my comfort seeking has to do with how overwhelmed I already am and how I'm not really succeeding at much (or anything). When I was younger, it was easy to check things off my list. Being in my mid-thirties and raising four children (2 with special needs), I'm all over the place and there is nothing to measure. At least nothing to measure as "success."

I do think you've hit the nail on the head though. We're no longer in circles where we have a ton in common with each other. I long to belong AND to have friends who understand my struggles. Yet, I'm always surprised when I sit down with a friend who is in a dramatically different situation and we connect on many levels that are infinitely more important than our life situation, political affiliation, etc...

I'm also thankful for my friends who've been persistent when I've been unresponsive to their invitations.

StacieTennessee said...

Agreed!!! It isn't just you. It is a mid-thirties thing for sure!!! I mean, it may also be a mid-forties thing too, but we will have to wait and find out. LOL!!!

Klouse Gray said...

Sweet! beautiful photo <3

~Klouse@D Liche

Anonymous said...

It is a very hard situation when playing the lottery and never won, or keep winning low fund not up to 100 bucks, i have been a victim of such a tough life, the biggest fund i have ever won was 100 bucks, and i have been playing lottery for almost 12 years now, things suddenly change the moment i came across a secret online, a testimony of a spell caster called dr emu, who help people in any type of lottery numbers, i was not easily convinced, but i decided to give try, now i am a proud lottery winner with the help of dr emu, i won $1,000.0000.00 and i am making this known to every one out there who have been trying all day to win the lottery, believe me this is the only way to win the lottery.

Contact him on email
What's app +2347012841542

Live Web Tutors said...

Reach us for the professional writers like Tap here
Tap here
Tap here
Tap here
Tap here
Tap here

bamgosoo said...

I was curious if you ever considered changing the layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out bette

My web site - 강남오피

FIRMWARE said...

Need The To Hire A Hacker❓ Then contact FIRMWARE

The really amazing deal about contacting FIRMWARE is that the Hack done by us can’t get traced to you, as every Hacking job we do is strongly protected by our Firewall. It’s like saying if anyone tries to trace the Hack, it will lead them to us and we block whatever actions they are doing.

We have been Invisible to Authorities for almost a decade now and if you google FIRMWARE not really about us comes out, you can only see comments made by us or about us.

Another Amazing thing to you benefit from Hiring our Hackers is that you get a Legit and the best Hacking service, As we provide you with Professional Hackers who have their Hacking Areas of specialization.
We perform every Hack there is, using special Hacking tools we get from the dark web.

Some list of Hacking Services we provide are-:
▪️Phone Hacking & Cloning ✅
▪️Computer Hacking ✅
▪️Emails & Social Media Account Hacking✅
▪️Recovering Deleted Files✅
▪️Tracking & Finding People ✅
▪️Hunting Down Scammers✅
▪️Hack detecting ✅
▪️Stealing/Copying Files & Documents From Restricted Networks and Servers ✅
▪️Credit Score Manipulation ✅
▪️ Deleting Criminal Records✅
▪️Bitcoin Multiplication✅
▪️Binary Option Money Recovery ✅
▪️Scam Money Recovery✅
And lots more......

Whatever Hacking service you require, just give us an Email to the Emails Address provided below.


2021 © All Right Reserved..

The Assignment Help Nz said...

I truly appreciate you putting an end to my drawn-out search. I found your material to be very beneficial. If you're having problems balancing your demanding academic life with your online education, you can hire a professional to attend your online classes on your behalf. We can provide you with any kind of assistance you require, including help with completing tests, homework assignments, and other academic tasks.

mike buxter said...

The company FreePaperWriter is a team of experienced professionals in the market of professional educational services and student assistance! Our company has been successfully working in this direction for more than 5 years, having written hundreds of materials during this time, which helped our clients to make an online coursework and get high scores. A distinctive feature of our service lies in the fact that we offer a radically different approach to professional student assistance