Friday, June 6, 2014

Life Audit: On Finding Margin in the Middle

I'm sitting at Cafe Moka with a large Sumatra pour over, with an hour to burn before CrossFit.
I worked a 17-hour day yesterday, so I didn't go in today.

What I've learned over the last 12 hours: There is absolutely no replacement for sleeping in the dark. I've worked overnights for several years over my career. I have had awesome $40 memory foam eye masks, thick black curtains, ceiling fans, air purifiers that hum in the background, and two guys who snuggle up to me - one who frequently rubs my back, the other who snores really loudly, and even when you add all that up... you still don't get what it feels like to sleep in the actual dark.

It's amazing.

So, I feel pretty good!

I realized recently that I'm not doing enough of the things in my life that make me happy. Notice I said happy, not joyful.

As long as I have my priorities with God right, I can have joy.  Joy is great. But I prefer to be joyful AND happy. I guess I'm just a cheerleader like that.

Michael helped me make a list of the things that make me happy. They are:
1. Alone time
2. Shopping
3. Going to the beach
4. Writing/Reading
5. Traveling

He's helped me to make a conscious effort to make room for those things in my life.  It makes such a difference on my happiness scale!
A couple of weeks ago, I went to Nags Head for the weekend and I was completely spoiled by my mom. That was enough to last for a couple of weeks.

This week, I was stressing myself out, so I knew I had to take action.
Tuesday, I spent a little alone time at Starbucks. I caught up on bills. I listened to a podcast.
Then, I found out Michael had a quadriplegic mishap so I came home to a mess. BUT, because I was relaxed and happy, I was able to clean everything up and move on without making a scene. Win!

Wednesday, after work, I went to the beach for a few hours. It was awesome. I found out that you don't have to pay to park at the meters before 10am. Win! I think I've been having a bit of a "what in the world am I doing with my life?" crisis. It's not a quarter-life crisis, because I'm too young for that. It's not a mid-life crisis, because I'm too young for that. I think it's just a burnout crisis. Anyway. The beach helps.

Thursday was the 17-hour day, but it was a good day.

And now here I am at Moka.
This is good.

What I'm learning about myself is that I need margin in my life! I've read this a million times in leadership books, and I know about the sabbath and all that. Duh. I think what I've been doing wrong is I've been powering and pushing through the week and doing all of my rest on the weekend. It seems like budgeting a little bit of margin here and there within the week is what I need.


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