Thursday, July 4, 2013

On Running From Writing

Obligatory cute picture of Brokaw, with measuring spoons, of course. 

At the end of January, we packed up our apartment just outside of DC, and moved about three hours south - to Virginia Beach. This is my home town. I can drive around without a GPS, and my memory comes alive because there are so many local landmarks that bring back childhood times, high school times, and all that.

Our entire lives have changed.

My new job is in local TV news - at a station where I worked about 10 years ago, as a young producer. Now, I'm back as an Executive Producer - which is a management position. It's been more difficult (and rewarding) than I imagined, getting acclimated.  But, I feel like I'm coming into my own, and I love it!

I've mentioned before that I work an overnight schedule. I go in at 11pm and come home around 9am. Michael is on this same schedule. We go to sleep around 11am and get up around 6pm. It is not natural, but we have our groove.

If that wasn't enough going on in the last few months - we went on national television, and wrote an eBook.

I've gotten really into working out and eating healthy, and all of that takes time.

So - dear blog,

Know this.
It's not that I don't think of you often, or have a list of posts I want to crank out.
I spend every Sunday night answering e-mails from readers and catching up on Facebook messages.

I am committed to this community.

I wish I didn't have to ever sleep, but I do. It seems like such a waste of time.

There are some days when I wish all I had to do was CrossFit and Blogging. But - cooking, cleaning, and earning a paycheck aren't necessarily optional.

I'm pretty much a freelance writing dropout, at this point.
And that book I dreamed of writing - the one I got really committed to when I went to Allume last year - it's so far back on the back burner, I think it's in the freezer.

But, I know there are seasons of life.
And I'm trying to get rid of this not-writing guilt.

I feel like y'all understand that I'm busy, that I'm focused on getting healthy, and we're all in touch all the time on Facebook, so it's not like I'm unreachable.

But it's more than self-imposed guilt - which I hold a degree in, by the way.
This is an obedience issue.
I feel God tugging at my heart - telling me to write, reminding me that He gave me the words to connect with so many of you.

So, I'm sorry.
I apologize for running from it.

Writing is a raw emotional experience for me.
It's healing - but it also exposes things that hurt sometimes, and being vulnerable like that is scary.

Pray for me that I will discover the time.

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