Sunday, December 23, 2012

We Are A League of Our Own

Today is Sunday, but it feels like Saturday. I've spent the last four days at home, two being sick, and now I'm on day two of being a full time nurse.

There have been a lot of tears.

There is a difference between being stressed and being stressed out.

The last two days, I have added the word "out."
Hence, the tears.

If you follow us on Facebook, you know I recently accepted a new job and we will be moving soon. This is good. We're very excited to get home to the Virginia Beach area, in mid-January.

The new job and the upcoming move are great! But, stressful.

Add to that a van that's in the shop, Christmas travel plans, trying to find a new house, trying to find a moving company, getting things settled to break our lease here, and a surprise medical situation that pressed a big fat "pause" on all planning efforts on the aforementioned stressful situations... and a Puggle who helped himself to an entire bag of dehydrated chicken chews...

Insert anxiety attack here.
Commence with hyperventilating, shaking, and crying uncontrollably.
Follow with marital fight before coming together stronger than before.
Top it off with doggie digestion issues.
Bake at 350. In a pressure cooker.

Whew! What a 36 hours or so it has been.

I even had one of those super-realistic anger dreams that was so real I woke up ready to punch someone. I did not punch anyone.

This is what I fear.
I don't want to go where I was before.
The last time we moved, I started a new job, and I was a full time caregiver... I almost lost myself.

But, it's different this time.
Yesterday, at the bottom of my pit, I wasn't alone!!

I was getting text messages all day from my SCI sister friends. Thank you Gentrie, Heather, Cheri and Robin. My sister forced herself past my protective barrier, heard me cry, and sprang into action. She's looking at a house for us this morning. My mom stalked me on Facebook, and made sure I smiled. My sister-in-law checked in on me, too.

Michael held me. And even thought about trying to figure out a way to fold laundry while laying in bed, on his side.

And, I made it.
I am on the other side.

I realized the beauty of being a full time nurse is that when your patient stays in bed all day, that means you don't have to transfer him at night.
Which means another glass of red wine.

I told Michael there will probably be a lot of tears through this adjustment.
He told me there will also be a lot of prayers.
I'm okay with that.

Sometimes this is crazy hard. It's overwhelming, it sucks.
I question whether or not I can really do this.

I watched a movie yesterday. I never do that. But I watched one of my favorite movies of all time, "A League of Their Own." This movie came out when I was 11 years old, the proverbial glory years of my softball career on the Aces, a Rec League softball team my Dad coached.

I bought into all of the sports stuff as a kid. It's those sports lessons, drilled way deep down inside of me, that make me who I am today, I'm convinced.

In my crying, I thought of this famous scene from "A League of Their Own."
Everyone remembers Tom Hanks as Coach Jimmy Dugan yelling, "There's no crying in baseball!"

Look, I'm a crier. I love this scene, and I get it.
But, there's a lesser known scene that I really, really love. It's a little later in the movie, when star player Dottie Hinson is about to quit, and she says, "It just got too hard." It's at the end of this clip:
Coach Jimmy Dugan comes back with, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."

Isn't it amazing that what inspires you at 11 years old - to be a better ball player, can inspire you at 33, to push through grown-up stress?

We are A League of Our Own. There is crying, and it is hard, but we have a team, we have a coach, and the opportunity to overcome, to make memories, to do this.

I am so thankful for new mercies this morning. And 22 year old movie quote inspiration.
Are there movies that inspire you?


Cheri said...

Great post Dana, "Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 That psalm got me through everything and still goes. Our decision to choose Joy comes every morning with a clean slate. Much love, Cheri

bettyC said...

I wish icouldcry. I haven't cried in years...sad movies do not help

Moya Gray said...

Wow Dana the more I read ur posts the more I know you and find you are such an open and inspiring new friend. Thanks for the tears etc.