Sunday, August 19, 2012

Tim, Kenny, and Crazy Rednecks in the Wheelchair Section

We LOVE going to see Kenny Chesney every summer. It's a rite of passage. Dana has been seven or eight times. Sunday was my third. It is always an experience.
First, there's the concert. It's always a bargain. Kenny has the greatest opening acts. Usually they are all top-bill performers! Last year we got Billy Currington and Zac Brown Band. I hadn't realized all of their songs I liked.

Almost as entertaining are the people who attend the concert. This is an all-day event that kicks off with tailgaters at noon and lasts till nearly midnight! By the time the opening acts start, half the crowd is half drunk. As the night goes on it gets more, um, colorful. We always wonder why people get so drunk because they surely can't remember the concert. Hurling in the bathroom can't be as much fun as the show, right?

Anyway, this is how it usually goes.

So, we arrive at the parking lot as Jake Owen opened. Since we're dieting, we did our own "tailgating" with Chipotle, water and Diet Coke. In the parking spot next to us --a blue spot mind you-- is a blue pickup with a young couple, she's pregnant, and their three friends. They were in folding chairs in the painted area and already having fun.

As we go into the stadium, we are maneuvering through the crowd like Lewis and Clark through the uncharted rivers of the Northwest. And the looks we got were like the Native Americans must have looked at the Europeans. Sometimes people almost back up on me, so I push their thigh so they know I'm there. Always gets a reaction, but I figure better a little grope than landing on a guy's lap.

We haven't even gotten to our seats and are already laughing!

Grace Potter is rockin' on stage as we make our way to the seats.

We come through the tunnel and I tap the woman sitting in her scooter in my way. She's like, "hey!" but I'm all business, "excuse me, I need to get through :D".

She has three friends. All in their forties (or older). One is whistling and stomping around.
This is how she was almost all night. She came over and asked Dana to take their picture with her wind-up camera. She introduced herself and said, "this is my friend Sandy. She was hit by a train." Poor Sandy! Whistles "took our picture."
Grace wrapped up her set. BTW, she is HOT!

We got up to get our drinks. In our marvelous planning, we had only $20 cash on us. That meant either standing all night in an ATM line or getting by. Well, my new favorite drink is beer and lemonade. They had both! Dana noticed people with Corona in large plastic souvenir cups. Perfect! We were on another expedition. First the Corona (light, since we're on a diet), then the lemonade --half way round the stadium. Finally, back through the crowd --a little drunker by now-- and to our seats.
Whistles was waving her arms around and telling people in the stands, "I love you all." she took off down the stairs toward the field. Phew!

At these concerts, people trickle in through the opening acts. By the time Kenny is on stage the seats are full of rowdy folks.
Then Tim came out. I think Dana gasped. If Grace Potter was hot, Tim was radioactive. Dark tan, tight white jeans, and a tight, low-cut tshirt.

She was gone -- and I couldn't blame her. He owned the stage from the first note. He got us to sing Happy Birthday to his daughter on his iPhone.
Tim sang from his heart and it showed. We even felt it. So did a young black man in a white tank top.
We thought, "that's nice, he must have come with those guys." Nope. He sang every Tim McGraw song at the top of his lungs and made friends around him. I know he enjoyed the novelty as much as we did.

It was like going to church. By the end of Tim's set the sun was behind the stadium and we were spent! Whistles showed up some time during the concert. I think she passed out somewhere for a half hour. She was charged up and ready to go!
Another intermission.

Dana went to the ladies' room. She was torn because she didn't want to miss Kenny's opening, but had no more room in her bladder. We did split that drink, after all. But she got back in time for the opening. Kenny has a long intro video tht basically means wrap it up and get to your seats. Dana returned to her seat proud. Said she had grabbed paper towels on her way in. Overheard a lady say there was no toilet paper as she entered the stall. Smart.
Back to Kenny. He did open great! As he floated over the crowd everyone roared. Kenny sang his biggest hits. While I sang right along with Tim's oldies, Dana sang to Kenny's. She was snuggled on my lap. So nice.
We noticed that Kenny seemed winded. The crowd filled in a lot of places. He was sweaty and just plain exhausted. Not that he wasn't good, just wasn't electric like Tim. Felt bad for him.
But the crowd didn't disappoint. Dana noticed the young couple to our right. They were basically making whoopie right there beside us. Awkward. Whistles' friend started to flip out during a love song effing this and that because something was missing. La la la la. She got on the phone yelling. LA LA LA LA. Then Whistles hands her a concert tshirt. (She is pictured above with the blue t-shirt before it went missing) We thought they were going to blows. Apparently Blondie Mullet didn't appreciate Whistles' prank.
Thankfully they simmered down after a couple of songs.

At some point the horny couple disappeared. Phew! Of course, I knew where they were heded. Silly rabbits.
Kenny kept singing and we sang along --"the boys of fall..."

Then a guy stumbles in with a cane led by a woman. Ever see a drunk blind guy? It's like a car wreck. You don't want to look, but it's just too interesting. He couldn't hear his wife, so he just stumbled to the empty seat. The woman and two girls (guess those were their daughters) stood behind. Then the rabbits returned. They looked funny and then went somewhere else.

Slowly everybody to our right left as Kenny sang on. Peace. Until Whistles got wound back up. Now she had twenty feet of stage in our wheelchair section. She stomped and danced and hung backward over the railing. Oh I forgot that! All night she was to our left hanging over the railing over the people in front of her. They ignored her. But it freaked out the kids to our right. The "crowd control" guy tried to get her to cam down.

She DANCED with him! As in, she had him twirling her around!

Too funny.

The night ended --as all Kenny concerts do-- with a big finale. Tim came out of nowhere to sing his duet with Kenny and made his way to the stage.
They sang each other's old hits. Then Grace came out they had sung their duet earlier.
All four --including Jake-- sang some classics then gave a big goodbye to fans in the mosh pit.
Whew! I didn't mention the lady who was hitting on the security guard all night, the gay couple dad-bracing behind us, the guy dancing without his shirt, the other guy who set aside his concession dinner to dance with people on the field, the guy who almost got kicked out, or the girls with their TIM and KENNY cut out sign.

Too much to take in! But a great memory for our memorable weekend.


Jenn said...

Great Post..felt like I was at the concert with you!!..Love me some Tim :-)

Kristen Maddux said...

This is CRACKING ME UP! Sounds worse drunk than at a football game, and I didn't think that was possible! But I totally wish I'd been there. I can't believe you didn't get a video of Whistles dancing with the security guard. (This concert is sure to be a security guards' worst nightmare, bless their hearts.)
Those tight white jeans on Tim are a hoot (which btw, three pics up is Tim signing a pink bra and Kenny's butt getting groped? I'm thinkin...YEA.)
Oh my word, what a memory! Hilarious.

Cheri said...

Sounds like an exciting night. BTW I love Grace Potter!! Her songs Paris is one of my favs.

Diane Moody said...

Holy cow! I'm like Jenn - feel like I was right there with you! Y'all crack me up. SO funny, all your editorial comments about the folks around you. What a hoot! May I just say, you two are the BUSIEST people I know - and most likely you have WAY more fun than anyone else I know. LOVE THAT.

But I have to ask. Please tell me your "favorite new drink" isn't beer MIXED with lemonade??? Tell me I read that wrong! Ewww?

Love you guys! Thanks again for sharing!

gentrier said...

I like the way your write...with your short punctuated adjectives at the end of a scene. Clever.

Dana Brown Ritter said...

Tim was delicious!

Dana Brown Ritter said...

Kristen, telling this story feels like a standup comedy routine! We still cry when we talk about it and crack up!

Dana Brown Ritter said...

He is a good writer, isn't he? I have always loved his way with words. :)

Dana Brown Ritter said...

I'm going to check that song out!

Dana Brown Ritter said...

Diane, that is all Michael. Sometimes, I just go along with his crazy ideas. :) It wasn't bad though! Better than just straight up beer, ick!