Monday, February 27, 2012

Letters to a Paralyzed Husband: Be a Safe Place

When your partner married you they probably said something to the effect of, "in sickness and health, until death us do part." That was a big promise. Your disability really puts that commitment to the test. Every day you are faced with a type of "sickness." Yeah, it stinks to call your disability a sickness, but it is. Your spouse has taken on a lot.

The Bible encourages men to consider our wives as "the weaker vessel." I seriously do not like that interpretation. Instead, I consider my wife as precious and fragile. Just like fine china or a porcelain figurine she is something I cherish and value. I want to protect her and treat her with care. That's work for a guy.

Guys relate differently than ladies. We are tough. We are  gritty. We are downright mean. I'll confess that I don't always do well. All too often I will say something insensitive then excuse it with, "I was being funny." Apparently not too funny.

Sometimes I do pretty darn good, though. There are specific times I am careful to be extra sweet and supportive: as we turn in and during that extra-sensitive monthly time. Every night Dana curls up on my shoulder as we turn in and we talk about the day. Some times we laugh; some times we pray; some times we get into a deep conversation;  but it's our nightly routine. Then there are those monthly times when I'm extra sweet because I know my wife needs extra grace.

Despite my failures I have built a foundation of trust for my wife. Some times I do things that undermine that trust and have to repair my reputation. Other times the damage comes from something outside ourselves that shakes that trust. Again, I rebuff and shore up her faith in me with reassurance.

Our relationship still gets stronger. Dana knows I'm always in her corner. She knows she has a safe place to go when when the storms hit. We are a team. Nobody will ever be more important than her. Nobody will come between us.

1 comment:

Diane Moody said...

So beautifully written, Michael. Wow, you've learned a lot in just a couple of years! Thanks for opening your heart to share with us.